Saturday, 7 January 2017

GUEST POST: 10 Things I (Know) About Amber Kirk-Ford, by Hawwa Alam

The Savage Savannah and The Punk Butterfly did a blog swap and talked about their friendship; Amber sent me a link to their posts and asked if I wanted to do it with her; I was busy running the world and got my secretary to look into it - and now here we are.


[WARNING: THIS IS GOING TO BE AN IMAGE HEAVY POST.]

Eh. But who's this, you ask with a relieved expression on your face, thinking finally, someone a bit more interesting than Amber! I know, I know, it's your lucky day (and Amber's).

Why? Because the blogger she looks up to, loves unconditionally and hopes to be like someday is gracing her humble home on the web: Hawwa.

You should all know who I am, really, considering I am Amber's favourite blogger and person of all time but just in case you've been living under your bed for the last few years here's a link to my BLOG, my INSTAGRAM, my YOUTUBE and my PINTEREST. You should probably go and follow me on all social media otherwise I can guarantee there will be a piece missing from your life - and just like when you've lost the last square of a jigsaw puzzle, you may go mad because of it.

A QUICK POINT TO MAKE: WE 'MET' AFTER I FOUND AMBER'S BLOG AND EMAILED HER ABOUT EVERYTHING TO DO WITH BLOGGING AND BOOK REVIEWING - SHE'LL PROBABLY TELL YOU IT WAS ANNOYING BUT HERE'S YOUR FIRST FUN FACT ABOUT AMBER: SHE GETS ANNOYED EASILY AND WILL PROBABLY CHASE YOU WITH A BAGUETTE IF YOU IRRITATE HER. ALSO IF I'D NEVER EMAILED HER WE MAY NOT BE FRIENDS NOW, SO REALLY, SHE SHOULD BE THANKING ME.

1. FROM THE GET-GO, WE'VE DISCUSSED STRANGE THINGS.
Sometimes they make absolutely no sense, sometimes we just throw words at each other without knowing what we're doing. As I was going through a few screenshots today for this post I stumbled upon some highly confusing conversations that I won't even pretend to understand. We probably didn't understand them in the moment either.


2. OCCASIONALLY WE HAVE INTELLIGENT CONVERSATIONS, I PROMISE.
We discuss politics, history and foreign affairs; literature and laissez faire. We cover all bases: racism, terrorism, sexism, xenophobia. Religion and education and careers. Also sometimes they don't make complete sense because passion trumps the ability to grammar. (Editing Hawwa: I just realised these two screenshots make Amber out to be my (stereotypical 'literally') hype man. Not mad about it.)


3. SHE THINKS SHE'S FAMOUS.
I mean, even before that blue tick on Twitter gave her an ego the size of the file detailing every single instance that Donald Trump has said something offensive, it was already swelling. Sometimes she would take longer than a minute to reply to my messages, occasionally she would try and masquerade as a celebrity (you're not fooling anyone my friend, just, stop embarrassing yourself? I'm saying this for your own good, not mine.) I mean, just look at this. (Disclaimer, I promise she made these herself.)

(Editing Amber: As you can see, Hawwa is an utter bumhole who breaks her promises. Yes, I made the Jessie J photo but not the other one. I don't hyphenate my blog name. So WHO DID? It's a mystery, kidz.)


4. HER PUNS/JOKES ARE FUNNY (sometimes).
Now I'm rubbish at compliments, we both are - it's much easier for us to be savage to each other - but occasionally (this is as far as I can go with being nice) she makes a funny comment, or a decent pun.


5. WE DISLIKE THE SAME PEOPLE.
Nothing brings people together more than a mutual dislike of the same people - sadly.

6. WE HELP EACH OTHER OUT WITH 'IMPORTANT THINGS'.
Homework, exam revision, blogging advice, proof-reading, choice of GIF - I'll help her and she'll help me -- awwwh, that actually sounds so sweet - and our friendship isn't the 'sweet' kind; it's the savage and sarcastic kind, but I guess sometimes we can be nice human beings.

(Editing Amber: Hawwa's literally given no context for the below screenshot, so I'll do it: I think she was writing something about home education - something we both have experience of - and she wanted my opinion, or something. You're welcome.)


7. IN OUR DREAMS WE'RE GOING TO LIVE IN AN AESTHETICALLY PLEASING APARTMENT ONE DAY.
At one point it was going to be in New York with exposed brick walls and a cool wooden bookshelf with a ladder and a family of succulents, with my art on the walls. But then Donald Trump became President-Elect and the plans sank like a lead balloon. Maybe London? Because of course, one day we're going to be millionaires too. (Actual fact: I have my (monopoly) money on Amber becoming the most famous person I know one day - I can just see it happening, with me all the while living in a cardboard box alone...)

(Editing Amber: True, thank you for acknowledging it.)


8. SHE'S ACTUALLY REALLY WEIRD.
Really really weird. But 'you've got to be odd to be number one' -- (shoutout to my mum for sending me that meme, as cheesy as it is.)



9. SHE'S OBSESSED WITH CIMORELLI.
She's met them and taken selfies with them and tweeted them and been tweeted by them and basically by now she's part of their family.

10. SOMETIMES WE HAVE ENTIRE CONVERSATIONS IN BOOK QUOTES.
Because first and foremost, we are book buddies. We discuss and rant and rave over books and characters and plots. And then we get carried away and re-enact entire scenes.


So there you have it, a 'short' and comprehensive profile of Amber - and after writing all this, I'm beginning to wonder why we're actually friends, I'm so much cooler than her?! (Editing Amber: Where's your blue tick, Hawwa? Non-existent? Shame.) Applications for joining my friendship group are now open, link in my Instagram bio.

5 comments:

  1. Haha your friendships is so beautiful, you two have found your snarky matches!

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  2. OMG!! This post is pure friendship goals. Haha. I love having that one friend where you can be so weird with them they still won't care.

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  3. In the interests of being fair I'm putting the same comment on both blogs (although I'm having a problem commenting on Hawwa's). They both made me laugh lots and this has brightened my day!

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  4. I howled with laughter over this!! Cherish your friendship, ladies. It is difficult to be old and friendless.

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  5. I just came from Hawwa's blog. These two posts are like mirrors of each other. It's hilarious. I hope ye live happily ever after ^_^

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